Return to Part Three
Carry on.
The words echoed in Sulu's brain like torturing thunder. He had made himself see nothing, hear nothing as Kirk brutally raped Ruth. It tore at him, he wanted to stop it, to scream or die or both and the only thing that had kept him sane through it was the release from the second hour of torment. He couldn't help but be almost grateful for that - whatever Kirk did couldn't be as bad as the Booth. Now - now -
Carry on. Put her back in it, naked and ravaged, and turn the damn thing on again. Another hour to stand and watch her writhe and scream with that bastard's sweat covering her. Sadist, aren't you going to stay and see how pretty she is? No reason, no right, for all of Spock's cruelty, he believed he was justified. We - I allowed it because here it was justified, and we had to follow the rules. But this... Callous, disgusting, senseless, wanton viciousness. Bastard, godfucking son of a bitch! No reason, no excuse, damn you, I'll kill you!
Before, her screams had been incoherent sounds of pain. Now, as he switched the controls back on she began to scream words, his name, begging over and over again for him to make it stop.
The agony was too much and he feverishly worked the controls, then spun on Sepak. "Get her out!" he shouted, not caring what the Vulcan would think.
Sepak blinked, "Sir, the Commander..."
"I don't care what Spock said, get her out of there!" He whirled, blindly, the tears starting, and raced for a door, any door. A Lieutenant jumped up from a chair, the Ensign at his feet shrieking fearfully. "Get out!" Sulu snapped at them, and they ran past him, the Lieutenant babbling hasty apologies. The door closed and Sulu broke, falling to his knees, his weeping hysterical and self-hating. He sobbed apologies to Ruth, to Kevin, to Jilla, the pain a tight knot inside him, and wept until his throat was hoarse and his ribcage ached and no more tears would come.
"Commander."
Spock looked up from his desk, somewhat startled at Sepak's voice. It had been only an hour and a half since he had sent his guard to see that his orders were carried out. His surprise changed to annoyance at the sight of Ruth beside Sepak, trembling, crying, her clothing obviously thrown on in haste. "Explain, Sepak," he said harshly, rising from his seat to take Ruth from him. As he spoke, the girl's eyes closed and she slumped, unconscious. Spock knelt, easing her to the deck, then glared, frowning at Sepak.
"Mr. Sulu ordered her release," Sepak said. At Spock's deepening frown, he continued hastily. "I did not interfere because - after what had occurred - I was not certain as to what your wishes would be. I know that you would prefer her tame, but not broken, and her condition was such..."
"What occurrence, little brother?" Spock asked coldly.
Sepak swallowed nervously. "I thought Mr. Sulu would have informed..."
"Mr. Sulu has told me nothing," Spock snapped, his eyes blazing.
"The Captain ordered Miss Valley from the Booth, used her brutally, then returned her to Sulu's care," Sepak stated quickly. "She attempted resistance, sir. Kirk was not gentle. She pleaded with Sulu, and he released her."
"For what possible reason?" Spock questioned, speaking more to himself than to Sepak. He stared down at Ruth, her head still cradled in his arms.
"I - do not know, sir. He seemed somehow upset."
Spock ignored Sulu's motives for the moment. "Kirk used my woman?" he growled. The thought of Kirk and his lovely Antari burned in him. He had taken much from the man. This he would not take. He heard Sepak's timid. "yes, sir", and his anger found a convenient outlet. "You saw this and did nothing?" he said, harder, colder, his gaze boring into the pale man trembling before him. Sepak waited, saying nothing until Spock stood and held out his hand. Still silent, Sepak unclipped the agonizer from his belt and handed it over.
"What is your duty, a'alrn?" Spock asked.
"To serve and obey you, Commander," Sepak replied dully.
"What have I commanded above all else?"
"That your woman be protected."
"Have you failed in that duty?"
"Yes."
Spock stepped forward, clamping the agonizer harshly to Sepak's shoulder. The younger man did not cry out, nor did he back away. He did not close his eyes, or look away, but stood, acknowledging Spock's supremacy and the deservedness of the punishment. When Spock at last released him, he fell to his knees and said, hoarsely, barely audible, "I will not fail again, brother."
Spock nodded. "Dismissed," he said, and dropped the agonizer beside him, turning again to Ruth.
She was awake, staring at him, wide eyed and terrified. He bent and scooped her into his arms, feeling her shrink from his touch as he did. "Do not be afraid," he soothed. "I am not angry with you."
She whimpered and turned her face from him. He understood. The memory of Kirk's body was still with her. He carried her to the shower, setting the water temperature cooler than he liked and placed her gently beneath the spray. Shedding his clothes, he joined her. She winced as the water fell on her scored back and he set himself as a shield for that part of her body. Slowly, gradually, the shower did its work, soothing, cleansing, and her terror calmed to only helpless tears. When she slumped to the floor, he knelt with her, saying nothing, letting the tenderness of his caress speak to her. She stared up at him, her huge purple eyes filled with confused longing and uncertainty. He told her again, "I am not angry with you, Ruth." She shivered, and he took her carefully into his arms. "Kirk will pay," he murmured to her. "I need never again punish you so severely. Sulu's sadism will not touch you. Rest easy, my beloved, rest easy." Her tears fell more freely and he shut off the flow of the water. Gently he dried her, then carried her to bed. He lay with her, holding her until she fell asleep, then got up, dressed, and resumed his work, carefully planning the manner and time in which Kirk would die.
Sulu didn't know how long he'd stayed in the detention room. The pain and despair had finally ebbed, and he realized that he was in grave danger if anyone noticed his conspicuous absence, if Sepak reported the Chief of Security's odd behavior. The charade has to go on, it has to or it's all been for nothing. I won't let Ruth's suffering, Kevin's, be for nothing!
He stood, breathing deeply, forcing calm thoughts back into his mind. Go to your office, check on the ship, on Jilla, and think.
The first thing he did when he got to his office was to check his own schedule. He had no Bridge assignment today. Silently he thanked all the gods of all the universes. He would not have been able to face Kirk. Then he checked ship's assignment. Routine patrol. Good. At least I supposed it's good not to be otherwise occupied while carrying out an assassination. He swallowed the bad taste of the word and reminded himself that something decisive had to be done, fast. He had to go with Spock. Not actually take part, but keep out of his way while he killed Kirk. And he had to do something for Ruth. Someday she wouldn't be able to appease the Vulcan's quick, very violent temper. He didn't want her to see that day. How could he arrange her safety? Think Imperially. Take her. Can a man have two women? I could let it be known she was under my protection, but have her stay with Kevin. If Kevin lives. I'd better call Sickbay and make sure. He opened the intercom and said, "Sickbay, Dr. McCoy."
"McCoy," came the reply. The voice was a bored parody of the slight Southern drawl he knew. Sulu shuddered.
"Riley's progress," he said, then added, "I do hope it's good, doctor."
"It's as good as can be expected after one of that killin' machine's workouts," McCoy sneered back. "Your catamite's alive, and I'll keep him that way. Good as new in three or four days."
Sulu grimaced. Catamite. A hell of a time, a hell of a way to find out. If I'd known that, maybe I could've saved him, told Spock he was with me. And wouldn't Jilla have adored that. "See that he is, McCoy, or I might have to replace him. Sulu out."
He closed the com, sighing deeply. Back to Ruth. How can I arrange... Assassination. Anderson. Spock can't act if I don't stop Anderson. If I tell him, offer to let his coup run smoothly in exchange for Ruth... It might work, it just might. If I can carry it off. Please, god, let me carry it off.
When Sepak announced Mr. Sulu, Spock was very intrigued. Perhaps he would receive an explanation for the leniency shown his woman, and perhaps he could discover exactly what game the Security Chief was engaged in. He stood as Sulu swaggered in, throwing himself with his customary disdain into a chair before the desk. He spoke without waiting for Spock's permission.
"I trust your woman is recovering," he said, with a disturbing emphasis on the words 'your woman'. "I did my best by her, but Kirk is the captain, isn't he."
"What do you wish of me, Mr. Sulu?" Spock asked, resuming his seat.
"I'm not a subtle man, Spock. Intrigue bores me. I've got information valuable to you. It's yours, for a price." He paused. "That is, it's valuable if you intend on going ahead with Kirk's assassination."
Spock's face hardened and he did not let his shock show on his features. Sulu knew. For how long? What else does he know and how easily can I dispose of him? "Go on," he said stiffly.
"Someone," Sulu continued, leaning forward, "is out to kill you. I know who. I can stop him, given a reason."
"Such as?" Spock inquired, his mind calculating how quickly Sepak could whip his ahn-woon around Sulu's neck were he called.
"The Antari. And First Officer to your Captaincy." He leaned back. "And if anything - untoward - should happen to me, I've already put in motion acts that will reveal you to Kirk before the watch is out." He smiled, self-deprecating.
Spock thought quickly. He didn't doubt that Sulu was telling the complete truth. Spock knew that Sulu was not the cocky fool he played himself to be. That was why he had set the kal'aroun to watching him. She had proved worse than useless, or she would never have dared not to report this. His price, at least wanting the position of First Officer, was reasonable enough. But why did he want Ruth? As hostage? Were his feelings for the woman that obvious? Or was Sulu intent on some form of vengeance? That notion fit well with his encouragement of Riley. But vengeance for what? The kal'aroun? He knows well she is mine, above all else. Does that insult him? Can he be insulted in such matters? I thought not. Perhaps I was wrong. Yet, if he wished to repay me in kind, why not simply take Ruth, make her his as he has done with so many others? Such an elaborate ploy as this - Think, he is samurai. He has played me into a position where I can give him Ruth with no one knowing I was coerced. He has made my anger with her ship's knowledge. He has saved me from humiliation which would otherwise have been devastating - especially to a new Captain. Is he affirming his loyalty and support for my coup? He will give me Security and prove how far I can push him in one action. Clever, Mr. Sulu, most intriguingly clever. And you have left me no choice. I have underestimated you. I will not do so again.
"Have we a deal?" Sulu asked. "Because if we do, I have a suggestion to make."
Spock showed none of his feelings as he answered. "A deal, Mr. Sulu."
Sulu nodded. "Done. I'll send someone for Ruth and her things."
"Your suggestion?"
"Get rid of Kirk today. I'll make sure his people are taken care of. And your potential assassin."
"Can I trust you, Mr. Sulu?" Spock asked mildly.
Sulu smiled. "You don't really have much choice, do you?"
"Then may I make a suggestion. Ruth will be sent to you when I am Captain."
The smile faded only slightly. "Fair - Captain." Sulu rose. "Don't worry about informing me precisely when you'll get rid of Kirk. I'll know. It's been - satisfactory." He turned, leaving the office, and Spock stared after him for several minutes before calling Sepak in to alert his operatives that the coup would be carried out late in the afternoon.
Sulu told Paget to come in with him when he returned to his office. "There's a few things I want to discuss," he told him as they were seated. "First, have someone do something about Lieutenant Commander Anderson. Immediately. He annoys me."
Paget grinned. "Right away, boss."
"Good. Also, could you do me a favor?" At Paget's puzzled, eager look, Sulu smiled reassuringly and said, "Miss Ryan could use a new place to sleep, and I think she'd make a good Chief of Security's woman." And she can keep tabs on you for me, he added to himself. This is all so sordid, I don't believe I'm doing it.
"Chief of..." Paget said hopefully.
"Change of command, Jer. I can't handle First Officer and Security Chief."
Paget's dark eyes studied him, then finally he said, "Spock."
"Captain Spock, Jeremy. We must show proper respect."
Paget started laughing and Sulu said, "Remember to show proper respect to the First Officer too, won't you. Dismissed, Lieutenant Commander." Paget nodded, grinning gratefully
The second the door closed behind him, Sulu slumped in the chair and covered his face with his hands. It was all so ugly. And happening so fast. A decision to think Imperially had set in motion the deaths of at least two men. He was conniving in murder. He had casually given orders to dispatch another man. No, however he had to make it look, there was nothing casual about it. He was scared and sickened. It has to be done, there's no other way. Kirk needs to die. Who am I to judge? There's no judgment, not morally. In order for Jilla and Ruth and Kevin to live, Kirk has to die. One life - two, don't forget Anderson - for four? Is that fair? Do I have a right to make that decision? No one's given me Captain's stripes. But I am senior officer for my people, and someone has to do it. That's all it is, I swear it, a decision that has to be made, ugly, yes, reprehensible, yes, but it has to be done. I don't think I want to be a Captain anymore.
He got up, collecting his thoughts. More to do, he had to be where he could monitor Spock's every move. A sudden realization struck him. It made him sink back into the chair, his heart pounding with sudden anxiety. It had worked. He had bluffed Spock. Either he was smarter than he thought, or this Spock didn't have the brilliant mind of the man he knew. Don't bet on that. Paranoia did it, suspicion, drawing god knows what inferences from the Enterprise's resident sadist. Still, it had worked, he had made it work, even if he didn't really know how. No, you didn't make anything work, he reminded himself. It was sheer, unadulterated luck. How often can you count on that? The thought made him break out in a cold sweat. Nothing you can do about it, he told himself, except take advantage of it while it lasts. Do what you have to and try to think Imperially. He carefully segmented off the trepidation, then activated all the monitors, and waited.
Spock entered his quarters weary but pleased. Kirk had been absurdly easy to kill, no little thanks to the Security officers who'd held carefully aimed phasers on Kirk's men while he'd used his own on Kirk. There had been only a moment's hesitation before all arms went up in salute to their new Captain. A most satisfactory gesture.
He had been generous with rewards, and all seemed to be proceeding with little or no disruption; again, thanks to Security. He had even seen to Lieutenant Moreau. The woman had been more than frightened, but he had reassured her. She had made an excellent Captain's woman, he saw no obstacle to her continuing in that capacity. She was surprised, wanting, he knew, to ask about Ruth, but wisely keeping her questions to herself. She would, perhaps, please him, for a time. Until he could find a way to re-appropriate his woman from Sulu's schemes.
His woman. Ruth. He was Captain now, and she had to be sent to Sulu. He approached the bed where she lay, still sleeping, sorting the words he would say in his mind. He would tell her gently, explain his helplessness in the matter, reassure her that he would still look after her. He hoped she would understand.
"Ruth," he said, and touched her arm.
She gasped, wrenching away from him, her eyes flying open in terror. He exerted calm, and she stared at him and slowly relaxed.
"I must speak with you," he said and he gently pulled her close to him. "I do not want you to be afraid, and you must trust me. I must give you to Sulu." He felt her start, and once again put forth calm. "I had no choice, beloved, he was quite thorough in his coercion. But he will not hold the upper-hand forever. I am Captain, and my operatives will wax in power. I will find a way for you to return to me." He stared into her deep purple eyes, adding a telepathic reassurance to his words. "Until then, my beloved, trust in me. Should he abuse you, it will not go unpunished. Have patience, keep yourself safe by whatever means are necessary. I will hold you blameless for any actions you need to take. I will not be angry with you. Do what needs be done, Ruth, and I will see to your safety."
She was crying softly and Spock caressed her, kissing her gently, stroking the molten gold of her hair. Sepak's voice announced, "Paget, sir," and he released her.
"Dress, beloved. I will send your things after you." He turned from her, his face unreadable, and strode into the living area. He confirmed Paget's new rank and position as Paget explained this was one last errand, a personal favor for Commander Sulu. When Ruth appeared in a gown of russet silk, he said only, "take her". He did not watch as Paget escorted her from the room.
Ruth was unsteady, still trembling as Paget guided her to Sulu's quarters. She didn't know what to think, except that somehow, someone had managed to get her safely away from Spock. The relief made her feel more weak than she already was from the beating, and the Booth, and the rape... Hysteria welled up in her and she fought it. No, don't think of it, you'll be safe now, with Sulu, Spock said with Sulu -
He was so gentle, so tender. He didn't hurt me, helped me - 'I do not want you to be afraid and you must trust me. I will see to your safety. Beloved.'
No, feeling longing for him? He beat me, nearly killed Kevin, made Sulu go through hell - and Jilla - and he ordered me to the Booth... He's a monster. He was tender with a thing - his thing, because he wanted it in good shape. That's all, nothing more. Goddess, I'm going to Sulu!
Sulu hadn't known where to begin to explain to Jilla. It turned out that he didn't have to. She stood by the monitor screens as he came in, her face stark, no color in her pale skin. "I saw it all," she told him in a barely controlled voice. "I followed you on the monitors, all day."
Sulu waited, uncertain of what to say or do, wishing he was an Indiian so he could fathom how she felt.
"I only lost you once," she continued stiffly. "When you ran from the Booth. I switched to your office and waited. Where were you?"
"I don't know," he told her. "A briefing room. I had to get away from... Watching Kirk - I felt..." He took a deep breath. "You saw what I did afterwards."
"He deserved it," she stated emphatically.
"He's no worse that any of the others."
She turned to face him. "Defending Captain Kirk, Sulu?" she rasped.
Sulu winced. "It isn't easy to stand by and let a man, any man, be killed."
"Yet you were only too anxious to kill Spock," Jilla whispered.
Sulu took hold of her shoulders. "Because of what he did to you," he said softly. "It's very easy for me to hate anyone that hurts you. I hated Kirk for what he did to Ruth, but when it came down to it - hon, I would've rather let him live. I would have if you didn't need Spock alive."
She shuddered. her voice an ugly hiss. "I hate it, I hate him, I hate what I am."
She was getting hysterical and suddenly Sulu realized why. Ruth was coming and she was afraid to face her, afraid that Ruth would condemn her for being what kept Spock alive. How could what Vulcan would do to her be worse than all that Ruth had endured in the last 48 hours? He held Jilla tightly, not knowing what to say. As much as he loved Ruth, as much as he hated Spock, he had known from the moment Jilla had said it that Spock would live, solely for Jilla's sake. But he had found a way to get Ruth safe, didn't that fulfill his duty to her? And it doesn't matter, he told himself. Even if I hadn't, it would be Spock who lived. Is it so wrong to put Jilla first?
Jilla sobbed and he tried to shut off his feelings of guilt, knowing she was only absorbing and adding it to her own. It's not our fault, baby, he told her silently.
There was a soft knock on the door, and Paget's voice said pleasantly, "Special delivery, boss." Sulu put Jilla away, cautioning her not to let Paget see her tears. She nodded, went into the bathroom, and Sulu called casually, "Come in, Jer."
When the door slid open, Sulu could see Ruth's struggle not to show her relief. Paget grinned. "A little worse for wear and tear," he said, "but not so you'd mind, sir."
Sulu echoed his chuckle. "Thank you, Jeremy."
"Thank you, sir," Paget replied and began a salute.
"No," Sulu said, shaking his head. "You're Chief of Security now."
"But I give proper respect to the First Officer," Paget returned and finished the salute. Then he turned, and left.
As soon as the door closed, Ruth rushed into Sulu's arms. He soothed her, then led her to the bed. "You need more rest," he murmured.
"What happened, how did..." she began.
"A bargain, Ruth. I let him kill Kirk, stopped a plot on his life, in return for you, the position of First Officer..." Sulu's voice trailed off.
"You had to let him live," she said, an acknowledgment, but Sulu could hear the hurt behind it.
"I got you safe," he replied, little colder than he'd intended. "It was Jilla's only hope."
"To make him Captain? He can get the power to take me back," she said, and he thought it was almost a pout.
He closed his eyes. "Ruth, what else could I do? There's only one way to play it; Imperial. I'll have to try to keep ahead of him and hope luck stays with us. Paget reports to me, and I've still got the screens..." His voice faded again, and he rubbed weary hands over his face. "What else could I do?" he repeated
"Let me be the sacrifice," Jilla's voice said suddenly. Sulu turned. She was standing just inside the room, the kimono she'd been wearing all day pulled tightly around her.
"I never said..." Ruth began.
"No, you never said," Jilla snapped.
"What the hell is the matter with you two?" Sulu broke in. "You've been at this ever since we got here!"
"I have no control," Jilla said tightly. "And she has no empathy." She bowed her head. "She is not used to conscious concern for others, it has always been her problem to keep from caring too much. And I find it difficult to hide my reactions. They have been under Vulcan disciplines so long that I am out of practice in how to deal with them." Her eyes came up. "She does not know what it is to be what I am, and she can no longer intuit it. She does not understand what Vulcan is here. What does she know of pre-Surakian history? All she knows is Spock, and goddess, he is still half Terran!" She laughed harshly. "Let her spend a night with Sepak!"
There were tears in Ruth's eyes, and Jilla was trembling, and Sulu didn't know who to turn to. He closed his eyes and held out his arms to Jilla, and when she came to him, he knelt down by the bed, reaching out to Ruth. They wept together for a very long time.
It took two days of Sickbay's best medical care to return Kevin to a state of health fit for duty. He was promoted, to the First Officer's personal bodyguard, but Sulu asked Paget to keep an eye on him. Not for lack of trust, Sulu explained to Kevin, though that's what Paget would think. It was the easiest way to protect both of them until Kevin knew the ropes. He also transferred Ruth to Kevin's new rooms. It had been hard, harder than he would've believed, having both she and Jilla share his cabin. He felt guilty making Ruth sleep in the living area, but he couldn't bring himself to give up enjoying Jilla's crystal flame. It was how he thought of it, a code word to keep his emotions from affecting her. He'd tried, that first night, letting them share the bed while he attempted to sleep in a chair. But Jilla had needed him close to her, so he'd slid in bed beside her, hoping not to wake Ruth. They should've left the bed at the first kiss. Moments after, there was no interrupting them. Ruth had fled into the bathroom, and Sulu still wasn't sure whether out of embarrassment or nausea - and in the morning, Jilla commented that, judging by Ruth's tia, it may have been out of a violent urge to join them. She avoided the bed after that at any rate, and only smiled uneasily and said 'forget it' when he tried to explain and apologize. It would be better all around for her to stay with Kevin.
The ship was relatively quiet. With the change of command, there were new alliances to be formed and everyone was being very cautious. Things seemed to be going well, though Sulu heard a few remarks concerning his odd relinquishing of the Antari. Everyone had assumed it would be Jilla he moved out. He stifled undue curiosity with chilling smiles. He stopped Tara Ryan's offer of gratitude for her new position the same way, as well as Moreau's. The former and present Captain's woman may have been sympathetic once, but Sulu could detect no lingering effect from the short Federation contact. She was grateful that his removal of Ruth kept her her status, and more than willing to thank him - very inventively. Only stern thoughts of Jilla had kept him from accepting her offers. Either Spock didn't mind, or she didn't care if he did. Or, the First Officer wasn't one to ignore or refuse no matter whose woman one was. If the latter were true, Sulu thought, he'd have to make certain he kept himself encased in crystal flame.
He was in his office when the first hint of the trouble he was dreading reached him.